Set Trippin'...

A few weeks ago, I got into a discussion/disagreement with a relative of mine. My mom is dope. She is so proud. She was telling him how I went to Cal and how I was working towards a masters in public health. My mom usually likes to pass this info off to people to show her pride – but not to get what this relative gave back. Our convo first started off talking about advancing in education and such (really positive stuff). Then some how the tide turned to where he was throwing all this backhanded comments about the institution I graduated from. What the feezy??? He started talking about how he hates to hear people complain about their experience at Cal (i.e. the various ‘isms’ experienced, highly competitive environment and whatnot, etc.). How he knew this one girl that went to UCB and how her experience was hell, but he gave a shit about her because she deserved everything she got – in other words, all the bullshit she experienced was well deserved and that’s what she gets for deciding to go there. All through this convo, he kept saying how he was proud to have gone to an historically Black college and that everyone should experience that. During this convo, my head was doing back flips – ranging from what the fuck is he talking about, to maybe he has a point, to I wish he would shut the hell up and get out of my face. I told him, I don’t regret my experience at UCB at all… of course it was punctuated with typical “isms” bullshit… I mean my first day on campus was highlighted by a counselor telling me I didn’t deserve to be there (that was a joy); to a friend of mine getting into a shouting match with some guy that told her she was taking his brother’s spot. I mean even today, crap still happens… like how only 30 Black folks got admitted last Fall… frickin’ 30!!! If anything, all of that made me stronger. It has prepped me for the school of life so to speak… as here, you can’t run and tell the dean someone is being all shitty to you. The stuff that you encounter through life is in your face. It’s real and you better have sturdy mental, emotional and spiritual armor to handle it.
During this chat, what kept flipping through my head is that this relative and I were in different places for the same reason. Historically Black colleges developed because of the various social inequalities that prevented Black folks from going to institutions of higher education. The same whirlwind pushed many to fight for opportunities in these existing institutions of higher education. It’s weird, the same things that make us proud of each other and support one another in our community, are the same reasons why we hate and shoot down one another – a form of intellectual genocide if you ask me.
Sometimes, I feel like I just can’t win. Like when I get into these dumb ass convos, I feel like I’m talking to a wall. I feel like I’m torn between two worlds at times – my inner-city, East Oakland, Southern roots and my uber-academic, super-professionalism. On one hand, having to prove my Blackness, and on another, proving I deserve to be where I’m at or where I am destined to go. But both sides telling anyone that wants to give me shit for being who I am to kiss my butt! Arggg… blood pressure starting to rise again. Anybody go through stuff like this to? Holler back if ya hear me.