What's life?

I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past few days. MTPCCR was life altering. That whole training gave me a new outlook on what I want to do and why; however, creating new and opening old wounds in the process. I miss my grandma. I miss my aunts. I miss my uncles. When I think of their situations, it makes me so frustrated and sad. They were robbed. They didn't get to see things go into fruition. How we are able to have opportunities that were not allowed to them. I think of them each and everyday, and they are always with me. I will succeed for them.

The training had me pondering about quite a few things. Not only where I am going, but where I have been. When Myleneski and I showed some of the training folks around the Bay, they were surprised about the history I knew about the East Bay. When we were younger, we didn't have much. Therefore, we did little traveling, and if we did it was something that was inexpensive and easily accessible. Therefore, we spent a lot of time in Downtown Oakland. Checking out the museum, Jack London, the parks, the ports, etc. From my folks, I learned. I learned to appreciate what is around me, despite how minimal. I remember, I used to get mad because all the kids would got to go to Disneyland for summer, and the farthest we would go was Tracy to go fishing. Sitting on a bucket on the bank of a pond doesn't compare to twirling around in tea cups, as the former produced greater dividens. My grandma always stressed that there was no such thing as boy or girl work... everybody did something. At the pond, she taught me how to bait a hook, adjust the bob, clip on a weight and cast... all at the age of 7! We would sit there, her holding my hands... "Don't let him get away bay bay!" Together we would reel in fish after fish. I was proud, because my grandma was proud of me. Some days I feel so cheated. I mean my grandma didn't even get to see me graduate... she passed 5 months too soon, waaaaay too soon. I get so pissed as I call back on all the nights she stayed up with me as I hashed through O Chem, prepared presentation speeches, and wrote agonizing papers. She deserved to be at the graduation, if not walking across the stage with me. I prayed she was with me in spirit, as well as my aunts and uncles. Life for folks mean many things I guess... depending on what you are facing. Ultimately, life is not what you get, but what you give, and all of them gave. Even if people don't appreciate what you have done, it doesn't matter because you have done what has brought you joy and humility. I just pray that I can be as strong as my grandma and mom.

Sometime soon, I will write all about my MTPCCR experience, but I will say this. I LOVE those folks!!! I'll have pics soon so you can see these amazing folks. On the last day, we shared a bit as to why we were interested in cancer research and at the program could do for us. Mannn, not a dry eye in the house. Tears of sadness, but also of cleansing. And when one participant told their story... good lawd, everyone was bawling. But that person is perservering so we can only be proud and support them. Before it was my turn to speak, one of the training coordinators, and my new role model, introduced me. I was amazed that this amazing woman noted things about me that I had forgotten... that she noted what I said in discussion... what I wrote in my application essay... I mean this woman has lead the most innovative studies in cancer control research... and she introduced me!!! She even read a poem that she said she thought of when she thought of me. With all the stuff going on with me, I was just at a loss... I felt so honored. Social networks keep the cypher going, and just when I felt like waning in my hope and energy, people get sent our way to bring us back up again. Thank you Dr. Regina Otero-Sabogal for reminding me of this.

Also, thank you Ramona for everything. We are twins I tell you... Capricorn power! I look up to you and thank you for listening and supporting.

I guess I'll close by saying this, it's important to live life the best that you can, as you only have one. Pick your battles wisely. And most importantly, never forget those before you and make a way for those to come.