Spent...

Yesterday, I attended the memorial service for a friend. It's sad, because the last time I saw her was at the memorial service for another friend about a year prior. As I was preparing to get out of my car, I scrounging around for Kleenex, but only had a few. I just had to fill up my pockets with the various fast food establishment napkins I could find. I can be such a tear drop waterfall during times like these, and I needed all the security I could find. As I was walking, I could slowly feel my eyes water and my throat dry. "Ahhh, here we go" I thought. Before I could say hi to anyone, bucket-o-tears city. But I held it, until I saw the artwork. My friend was a self taught artist, and she had such beautiful pieces. Tons of self-portraits, but the most striking were the ones that showed her progression through her illness. How do you muster the courage and strength to do that? Again, eyes watering and burning, throat beginning to close. As I walked around, I saw people that I knew, and people that I didn't. Every once and a while, people putting these pained smiles on their faces. As if they still want to convey to you that they are hurt, yet offer a smile to show that things will be better and that everything is ok. After I placed my items at her altar, I sat down and soon some of my SLC family arrive. One of my instructors was there too and gave me like the sturdiest hug ever. I think we both needed that. When I saw one of my friends, tears began rolling down my cheeks. But it was ok, because her eyes began to redden too. I am still trying to process all of this. But I am not sure if it will ever make sense to me. When people pass away, I don't know how others are able to celebrate that person's life so quickly... while it is still so new. I can see how it is a healing process, I mean, I can experience it down the line. But right at the moment, it blows my mind how strong people can be with situations like these. I am still in the process mode... but I am happy to say that I knew my friend. And that she was a great spirit that will always be with me. =)