How long can you hang?

Today we said farewell to a great man at my job. Lou has been the custodian for the City of Berkeley for over 38 years. My goodness! He is such a nice man. Every evening when I would head out, he always had a kind word and made sure that I got to my car safely. I swear, they don't make people like that anymore. With some folks concerned about making money fast and not finding happiness in what they do, or who we work with, we tend to take so much for granted. We also tend to take for granted the folks that do back breaking work that the average person wouldn't dream of. But they do it, and they don't complain. Their desire to help is genuine, yet another trait that is lacking in many. So here's to you Lou! Happy retirement and have fun enjoying life! :)

Bullshit

Check out this shit! Recalling retired and discharged Army soldiers for the lame ass war.

Got game?

I miss playing gin
Thank you kslinger01
Patience is a gift

Down, brown, and round...

East Bay Mafia
Filled me with rice and sweet treats
Wants to keep me fat
>(

Oxymorons

Two weird ass public health actions:

(1.) Often times, we have a serious ant problem in our kitchen... I mean SERIOUS!!! They crawl all over the sink, under the back door and even the copy machine. Yay! Nothing like smooshed ant on a copy of an important document. Anywho, you would think that we could put down some ant killer or something, but noooooo, it's not environmentally safe. I guess I'll just go back to some old fashion stomp actions, cuz I ain't trying get no extra protein in my food!

(2.) What the hell do I do with those Styrofoam peanuts?!?! When we order items, they load up the boxes with those things. However, with the Berkeley ordinance, the disposal of Styrofoam is regulated, and a fine may be assessed if this is done so. So, I ask the environmental health folks on how to get rid of this stuff, and they are like "I dunno." Great. If ya ever looking for them peanuts, holla at ya gurl... I got dat hook up.

(3.) Good snacks/Bad snacks. When it ain't ant season, often times we share food in the office. You'll find fruit, bagels, and other dishes... which is great when you are a baller on a budget. But sometimes folks leave out the most tempting snacks. Like this morning, somebody left out 4 or 5 boxes of Tastykakes... cream filled, chocolate... sugar overload!!! I can only imagine the e-mail the nutrition folks are gonna send out. I see how it is, just trying to keep a sistah down and round.

Crud!

I'm an old lady
Living life like I'm forty
Gray hairs are coming

Dorkuses

My dogs are big dorks
Will do anything for treats
But they make me smile

Zeda 

Heru 

What's life?

I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past few days. MTPCCR was life altering. That whole training gave me a new outlook on what I want to do and why; however, creating new and opening old wounds in the process. I miss my grandma. I miss my aunts. I miss my uncles. When I think of their situations, it makes me so frustrated and sad. They were robbed. They didn't get to see things go into fruition. How we are able to have opportunities that were not allowed to them. I think of them each and everyday, and they are always with me. I will succeed for them.

The training had me pondering about quite a few things. Not only where I am going, but where I have been. When Myleneski and I showed some of the training folks around the Bay, they were surprised about the history I knew about the East Bay. When we were younger, we didn't have much. Therefore, we did little traveling, and if we did it was something that was inexpensive and easily accessible. Therefore, we spent a lot of time in Downtown Oakland. Checking out the museum, Jack London, the parks, the ports, etc. From my folks, I learned. I learned to appreciate what is around me, despite how minimal. I remember, I used to get mad because all the kids would got to go to Disneyland for summer, and the farthest we would go was Tracy to go fishing. Sitting on a bucket on the bank of a pond doesn't compare to twirling around in tea cups, as the former produced greater dividens. My grandma always stressed that there was no such thing as boy or girl work... everybody did something. At the pond, she taught me how to bait a hook, adjust the bob, clip on a weight and cast... all at the age of 7! We would sit there, her holding my hands... "Don't let him get away bay bay!" Together we would reel in fish after fish. I was proud, because my grandma was proud of me. Some days I feel so cheated. I mean my grandma didn't even get to see me graduate... she passed 5 months too soon, waaaaay too soon. I get so pissed as I call back on all the nights she stayed up with me as I hashed through O Chem, prepared presentation speeches, and wrote agonizing papers. She deserved to be at the graduation, if not walking across the stage with me. I prayed she was with me in spirit, as well as my aunts and uncles. Life for folks mean many things I guess... depending on what you are facing. Ultimately, life is not what you get, but what you give, and all of them gave. Even if people don't appreciate what you have done, it doesn't matter because you have done what has brought you joy and humility. I just pray that I can be as strong as my grandma and mom.

Sometime soon, I will write all about my MTPCCR experience, but I will say this. I LOVE those folks!!! I'll have pics soon so you can see these amazing folks. On the last day, we shared a bit as to why we were interested in cancer research and at the program could do for us. Mannn, not a dry eye in the house. Tears of sadness, but also of cleansing. And when one participant told their story... good lawd, everyone was bawling. But that person is perservering so we can only be proud and support them. Before it was my turn to speak, one of the training coordinators, and my new role model, introduced me. I was amazed that this amazing woman noted things about me that I had forgotten... that she noted what I said in discussion... what I wrote in my application essay... I mean this woman has lead the most innovative studies in cancer control research... and she introduced me!!! She even read a poem that she said she thought of when she thought of me. With all the stuff going on with me, I was just at a loss... I felt so honored. Social networks keep the cypher going, and just when I felt like waning in my hope and energy, people get sent our way to bring us back up again. Thank you Dr. Regina Otero-Sabogal for reminding me of this.

Also, thank you Ramona for everything. We are twins I tell you... Capricorn power! I look up to you and thank you for listening and supporting.

I guess I'll close by saying this, it's important to live life the best that you can, as you only have one. Pick your battles wisely. And most importantly, never forget those before you and make a way for those to come.

Pushing Buttons

I heard many times this weekend that it is important to pick your battles. So true. But I can't help but get frustrated by ignorant folks that create these little bumps in the road, shall I say. In dance class, there was one bitchola that was totally pissing me off. I give all respect to folks showcasing there talent, but when you go out of your way to be a bitch to others, that crosses the line. Tonight's routine was really tricky, so when break was called, myself and about 3 other folks remained on the floor trying to get the timing right. All of a sudden, the bitch that was totally getting in my way all night long plops right in front of me to teach her homegirl the step. This is why I was pissed: 1.) There was HELLLLA space on the floor, so why plop right in front of me? 2) When she took this spot, I was right in the middle of getting the timing right. However, I was afraid I was gonna smack into her (next time I'll do this), so my timing got off, again! 3.) She couldn't sit her happy ass down! Group one, her ass is there. Group two, her ass is there. Yadda yadda yadda. I don't know if she was targeting me because she doesn't like me (like I give two shits) or what, but it really annoyed the hell out of me. You know, I always go by this rule: the first time is an accident, the second time is maybe a coincidence, but the third time is that this person is just being an asshole. Why don't bitches just stay out of my way? If she does this again the next time, she really have something to not like me about.
>(

Zzzzzz...

Very sleepy now
Eyes are barely open here
Bed is calling me

Feeling in the Dark/Mucho Props!!!

Feeling in the dark
I think I nailed my final project for MPH. It hit me like a ton of brinks. It hits hella close to home, so I hope that I am prepared to do it. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Mucho Props!!!
Major, major, major props to my boy TK!!! He straight represented at the Next Episode Part II Showcase last nite. I was sooo proud of him. I'm surprised I even have a voice this morning. Homeboy was the dance assistant for the show, hot dayum! Just don't forget the little folks when you hit it big, ya know, kick a sistah a few pennies here and there every once in a while. Mucho love and respect!

A Lighter Shade of Brown

Brown nosers. Good grief. I have run across sooooooo many in my days. Good grief. I'm all for making any way that you can to be the best you can be, but... some folks cross the line. I remember in an O Chem class, there was this one dude that would ask like a billion and one questions during lecture, be the first in line to ask the teach something during break, and hogging all the time in office hours. Mannnnn! The ultimate was this, on the last day of class when we applauded the teach... typically everyone does, unless there was some drama during the semester and folks are like "kiss my entire ass" instead. But I digress. Question man stands up, clapping the loudest, turning around and saying "C'mon guys, stand up! Stand up!" (Hurling my ionic bonds!!!)Mind you this was like a 700+ class, and this fool is standing in the front row trying to get folks to follow in tow. Gah! I think two of his buddies next to him joined in this ovation, but other folks including myself were like "dayum, sit yo ass down!" This was peppered amongst the various moans and groans. Even the teach had a bit of an uneasy expression on her face. A cross between "please sit down and don't continue to embarrass yourself or me" and "this fool doesn't have a clue." Funny stuff. Since then, I have encountered various folks trying to do whatever it takes to push for that A+, whether it means asking the most questions, blitzing the teach with e-mails, etc. I dunno, maybe it pays off for folks. Who knows, O Chem guy may be some big wig at a biotech, making googobs of money, all because he crossed the "brown noser" line in that class. Ahhhhh, the choices we must make.

For Realees?!?!

I can't sleep. This has been going on for a cool lil minute... ever since 1997 I suppose. Some days I feel like a walking zombie I tell you. Like my body says "biatch, carry yo ass to bed!!!" But I always have something to do. CRUD! I used to listen to these relaxation CDs and that did the trick, until my sis and bro jacked them. I gotta find those, cuz those hella worked. But I digress. Since I can't find my CDs, I leave the TV on. Sometimes if I remember, I set the timer for it to shut down after an hour and a half, but sometimes I get so tanked I forget. This morning I was awaken by "Full House" at 5 something in the morning. Man, I can't believe we used to watch and record that show (we must have been on crack). This family was soooo frickin plastic!!! It's funny how there would be some kinda issue, but in the end, some sugar coated solution would arise.... Awwwwwww! (Gagging profusely). I remember they had one episode about DJ's eating disorder. She wanted to wear some hoochie bikini, but felt she looked like to heavy. Long story short, daddy Tanner gives some cliche "appreciate who you are line" and in the end, DJ's self-esteem shoots through the roof. Again, AWWWWWWWW! (BULLSHITAKE MUSHROOMS!!!). It's funny how we used to swallow 80's shit. I was watching "Die Hard" the other week. Good movie, but let us analyze: bad ass white dude takes on a whole terrorist group with found ammunition and barefoot no less. Yippy Kai Yay Mofos! That shit would so not fly today after the various attacks that have been happening here and in other countries. Just think, how many real life John McClains were in those situations? Again, it's the 80s... Reganomincs, Iran Contra, and Cold Wars.... all the ugly shit -- war, bloodshed, and other stuff that rarely touches US soil was over there. Then there is the "Terminator." It's funny, looking back at that shit... how rinky dink the effects were. It's funny how I was scared of that eye ball scene... shivering in my boots! Now this mofo is the governor. Didn't the endoskeleton melt himself? Frickin cyborgs... they won't stop crawling through those factories after you. Sarah Conner, where the hell are you?!?! And last, but certainly not least, good old "Rocky." I actually like those films. All of them as a matter of fact... even V, hahaha. Some dude trying to come up on a come up, beating the odds to become champ, only to loose it all in the end. Now that's realism folks. I was watching a Mike Tyson documentary on Fox Sports... hella sad. Here is a guy that came from nothing... hung around the wrong folks... got screwed over, and now he has nothing and nobody. Dayum. It's funny how the tides turn. I guess with the "Rocky" series, it became more believable throughout time.... however, I still think Apollo Creed and Clubber Lang could have whooped his acetone. But then again, you would prolly be hella pissed if some mofo was shittin on you at a press conference on how his gonna handle your woman... that's just an ass beatin waiting to happen. In conclusion, I somehow wish that the 80's bullshit was still around. It gave you some hope for outcomes, a hint of realism, and gave Ah-nuld something to be more preoccupied with (if that's possible... well, aside from gropping boobies and asses). We have frickin Kindergarten Cop as the governor and that shit is gonna be on my diploma... ugh!!! That's it, off to Canada I go, eh? I'm ooot! (out in Canada talk).

Data Matrix

Boring ass numbers
Entering so fries my brain
Please keep company :(

Dance class etiquette 101

I love going over to the Mission. I always learn something new and it builds a confidence in me to try harder. There are some things that I was noticing about class last night, not just about movement, but about personalities, styles, and abilities in general.

(1.) The Wild Child: There is always the one person gonna out dance everyone else. Typically they are stationed in the front. They wear the video chick out fits (low-rise pants, thong showing, long hair flaring, full on make-up in some instances). Instead of focusing on definition, they are all about power. They have to hit the hardest, stomp the loudest, and spin the fastest. I dunno, some folks have various ways of self-expression, but often not sure of this one. I guess because I tend to appreciate quality over quantity, definition over explosiveness, and with the "wild child," definition gets totally lost. But as long as you appreciate the dance, keep shakin'.

(2.) The Space Hogs: These are the folks that will congeal in one quadrant of the floor. Typically the most comfortable spot. When the instructor calls to switch rows, these fools pull fast ones and just will walk in a circle or switch with a friend to their right or left, just because they want to stay in the front. Come on folks, give others a chance to take the class in and move about. Selfish folks I tell you. You try to be polite and ask folks to kind of scootch over, but they pretend like their deaf or something. I could flash, but why waste my precious time and energy? Thanks Allan for regulating.

(3.) The Intimidator: There is often one or two people that will stare at you for one reason or another, or will try to restrict your space. For example, there was one point where the instructor called out for just the ladies to move. Why was one guy still standing on the dance area? I did a spin and almost kicked him in the nuts. I should have. Serves him right for getting in my way.

(4.) The Unexpected: I LOVE these folks! RESPECT! RESPECT! RESPECT! These are the folks that appear unassuming, but will embarrass you on the dance floor with their skills. Often times, the dance world is much kinder to the pretty, the flawless, and the thin. If you are outside of those dimensions, you get treated like a red headed stepchild. On many occasions, I have seen folks that are classified outside the norm (a bit heavier than others, a bit older, etc.), but can cut a rug much better than those that try to keep them down or out of the way. I just have to give them their props whenever I see that. Keep doing your thang folks!

(5.) The Chatters: This can be a bit distracting. I don't wanna hear about who you got it on with, who you don't like, or worse, hear you talk about other folks in class and then burst into laughter, etc. If you have to be rude, save that for another time and place. Despite what you think, folks can still hear what your saying, and an ass kickin' may be waiting for you downstairs.

(6.) The Ant Pants: These are folks that can't keep still or wait their turn to do their thing. Often times, an instructor will break a class into groups (i.e. #1, #2, etc.). The instructor will call out group #1, then #2, then #3. Why do I see the same person(s) in all three groups? Often times they will double as a Space Hog too and take over the front, or totally get in someone's way. They will tend to be a Wild Child too. Everyone is there to learn, but it doesn't help when space for folks to represent is limited because some folks can't wait their turn.

(7.) The Coolios: These are folks that welcome you into the setting. A nice wave or what's up is always welcomed. Sometimes when you go to professional dance classes, they can be quite clique-ish. It helps to know that the whole group isn't like that. Thanks Coolios for extending a hand and helping in the learning experience.

(8.) The Super Buddy: It's always nice going to class with a homie, especially those that appreciate dance. You help each other out on the rough parts, and you don't laugh when they get it wrong (well, unless it's Jennykins and me, then all bets are off... she acts like Debbie Allen on Fame and has me in tears... j/k). I can't wait till my homie gets back so that we can stand in the back like dorks.

(9.) The Committed: These are folks that may be having some difficulty with movements, but regardless, they are still trying. Mucho props! Even though folks may snicker, they don't give a crap and keep working.

(10.) The Hot Boys: These are guys that can dance really, really well. Guys and movement... hmmmm :) Not just a sexay thang, but it says a lot about them. When someone has a passion about an art form, they have a focus and a drive, which I tend to appreciate.

I'll add more personalities later, but just had to get these out before I forget. Any other personalities you note?

Trust a Try

A saying that my grandma and mom always used to say is "My doctor took me off of bullshit a long time ago." Now I see what they mean. For the past half year I have been thinking about the idea of trust. I honestly think that the concept of trust has gone by the wayside in society today. Everyone has a story or a line of shit they are trying to sell or force-feed you. For me, bullshit is much easier to dismiss from associates and whatnot, but becomes more difficult when it comes from friends (or those that we think are), or even worse, family. I remember when I used to tutor at Cal, I would run across a student or two with some line of bullshit about why they couldn't do their own work, or had the nerve to try to con me into doing their assignments for them (obviously, just because I was born in the day doesn't mean I was born yesterday). After dismissing them with a quick "hells no!" and a stern lecture about honesty, some folks would switch tutors (like I gave a shit), but the ones really to make amends and try would stay. Soon, they saw the results in trusting in me to help them through the semester. Especially at Cal, having someone to trust is essential, as that place will eat you up alive, spit you out, and burn the remains without even a flinch. Ultimately, the ones that stayed would pass their courses with flying colors. Not because I me, but because they had trust and faith in their own abilities, and they were happy because of that. But more often now,I swear some folks think you just feel off the turnip truck and will be dumb enough to fall for things hook, line, and sinker. I'm sick of it! Why can't folks just be honest and be themselves? I dunno, maybe if those that were untrustworthy saw the full effects of the impact it has on others, maybe they would think twice about getting in the bullshit business.

Moments of Silence...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/world/iraq/casualties/facesofthefallen.htm

http://www.antiwar.com/casualties/

Mixed emotions...

Continuing with my events last night, a whole lot of thoughts were running through my head. I am happy that I have dance to turn to, and Allan's classes always help me forget the random crap that pisses me off, well, at least for those two hours. I feel so professional when I am there, it's such an amazing feeling. I know I may screw up the moves a couple of times, but it's ok, cuz there are gonna be folks sitting on the stairs cheering you on. "Work it out y'all!" "You got it gurl!" "Back dat ass up boi!" "Go'on black pants!" Amongst all the various hoots and hollers. As I got on BART, I felt like crying... weird. I wasn't sad or anything, just felt like busting into a bucket of tears for some reason... maybe some hormonal thing, I dunno. I thought about it a little more as I passed through the tunnel. Thank God for dance! That yearning to cry was prolly more so tears of joy. Whenever I feel crappy, dance and music is something that I can turn to as an outlet. Often times when we are pissed at something or someone, we say and do things that we don't mean, regardless of how hurtful we know it can be. At least with dance and music, I can use these to chill out. Just takes me away from all the crap that comes my way. As I was sitting there sorting out various thoughts -- my dad, my grandma, my career path, my family, my friends, E=MC2, you know, all those precious thoughts that flow through your mind when you're on da B-A-R-T -- behind me were a father and son practicing the acoustic guitar. I was thinking to myself, man, that guy is hella lucky that his pops is there teaching him such an art. I don't know these folks, what they have gone through, etc., but I was thinking how cool it was that his father was taking an interest in him. To teach him such a beautiful skill, on BART no less. After they stopped playing, the dad began a convo with me. "Long day, huh? You look tired" he says. "Yes, work from 9-5, but I had to come over and dance tonight and that's where I came from." "Oh, I see," he looks over to the seat across watching his soon fiddle with the guitar strings and looks back, "that's my son. I'm teaching him to play." The way he said that was just touching to me. You could tell that he was hella proud because of that. The father's name was Pablo -- author of the previous quote -- and he was telling me about the same things I was thinking in relation to dance. How for him, playing music, in particular Spanish tunes, were his outlet. Regardless of how many problems he had, he could just pick up his guitar and go to the park and play. He told me that the guy that taught him had taught himself, and would practice everyday for 4 hours. Dayum! That's amazing. I am really thankful that we had our grandma and mom teach and support us in the various arts that had interest in, because it is important. It's one thing to have the desire to do something, but it's another to have someone support you and genuinely care. Thank you Pablo and son for helping me to remember that.

Community Education

I was on BART tonight, and this is what an older gentleman named Pablo told me:

(In regards to playing Spanish tunes on his guitar)

"It doesn't matter how long you have played. What matters is how long you practice."

Deeper than the ocean man...

BITCH!!!

Man, bitch ass peopele
Try to set you up to fail
Bitch, go get a life