My sentiments exactly! 

Thoughts floating in my head...

A few etiquette and hygiene matters...

It's not cute when girls where pants with stuff scrawled along the ass. Every time I go to the gym, some chick has some pants with something lame written across the back, like "2 hand touch" "bootilicious" or "goodies". Nine time out of ten, they either have a case of noassatall or toomuchass. Again, not cute.

Some dudes really need to wash their ass, literally. I was in Rasputins the other day looking for some stuff and this dude standing next to me smelled like straight DOOKEY! I felt like I was gonna puke. Every time I moved, he moved. Man, my mouth started to fill up with water, so I knew I had to bounce. It's one thing when folks smell musty, but when it smells like they just dropped a load and didn't wipe, that's just wrong.

Is this racist or not? I dunno what some people are thinking, or from what time they cam from, but some older folks behavior is off the hook. Yesterday after the performance, this older white guy told me "you were good gal." Then he poked my foot with his cane. What the hell? Gal? Am I back on the plantation or am I taking this too far? There have been many an instance in which old folks say stuff like that. Like this time I was in the store, and this old guy told me how he loved my people, especially Louis Armstrong. Yay! Or this one time we were at an air show and where talking to this Army guy about the carrier he worked on. Some ear hustlin' old fart goes, "Yeah, it's big enough to go back to Africa... uh, I mean travel to Asia and all over the world." Bitch! I swear, some folks are so dense, it's sad. Like they say, nothing is worse than an old fool. For realies.

Rock Bottom...

Tonight I could teach my class cuz I have this dumb respiratory infection... bleech! I soooo would have rather been teaching. Well, got to spend time with the fam, which was pleasant... but, we spent the evening watching a crap reality show called "Trading Spouses." All I can say about this show is Damn. If you haven't seen this show, the premise is to take the mom or dad from one family and swap them with one another. This episode, a woman from the upper crust of society was traded for a woman from the bottoms. Mannnnn, talk about perpetuating stereotypes. I felt like I was watching "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" millennium style. What really, really, really sucked about this show was how they pushed around the grandma on this show. This woman is 72 years old, and the upper crust mom and the dad "let" her cook and clean house. What the hell? I swear I do not understand how society functions today. Maybe it's because I was raised old school, but people are so lazy and sorry today it's not funny. They forget the value of a dollar, as well as lack the concept of what a work ethic is and how important it is to have this quality. Nothing is going to be handed to you on a plate, (well, in some instances it is but I'll save this discussion for another day) so you better bust your ass and do what you gotta do. Mucho props to Nana for holding it down for her family, but damn give the lady a break!

Chocolate fantasy...

I hate people. Sorry, hate is a strong word, and I honestly cannot lump in everyone. Ok, I strongly dislike perverts, ignorant folks, and liars... is that better? I have encountered oh so many in my life, and I am quite sure that it will never end. But like in that old school commercial about sexual harassment: "I don't have to take it." I cannot tell you how many times I have been dancing in a club, and some fool wants to grind his "member" all up on me. Back the F#CK UP!!! Or say some dumbass shit about my body, or talk to my boobs and ass all night long. Yay. Or the many e-mails I have gotten through personal ads about having one-night stands, or how freaky are you? What do you like? Bitches. Last night some mofo was like, "do you dance a lot?" I said yes. He goes, "so you back that ass up and get all freaky on the floor?" No bitch, not all Black women are strippers, so when we say that we like to dance, don't f#uckin assume that. Like they say, when you assume, you make and ass out of u and me. I deal with this often and I'm sick of it! But I guess it goes back to an idea I learned this summer, on that you need to pick your battles wisely. And brainless perverts, ignorant folks, and liars simply are not worthy of my precious energy and time. Ghetto girls do have standards and priorities in case you didn't know.

Street life...

Sometimes I look back on where I came from and where my folks came from, and it blows my mind. Literally. I cannot convey to people what life has been like, because they will never truly understand. Imagine living in a neighborhood in which you have to sleep on the floor every night, because of all the activity outside. Or having a window shot out. Or having the opportunity to fully understand the plight of those that have to do what they gotta do to get by. My old neighborhood was rough. I have known quite a few people over the years that have gotten injured or killed and it takes its toll. A name of a junior high buddy popped into my mind earlier today, and it lead me to wonder how she was. She used to rap and was just an all around hella cool person. Just real. I remember that two days before we had our promotion ceremony, her dumb ass boyfriend shot her in the back because she was breaking up with him. Dayum. At graduation, we made a big get well soon card for her. As a result of the shooting, she was paralyzed from the waist down. The last I saw of her was many years ago when she was on a telethon held on KRON. She was singing in a choir and they were focusing on her situation. She was so dayum talented and just an all around cool person. I pray that she is well.
I also think about another classroom buddy of mine that I found out a few years ago was murdered. They just dumped his body at the side of the road in the Oakland Hills. I found that out from a friend when we were riding on BART. He and the guy that was killed were really tight. I remember back in Jr. school, they would pull pranks on folks... like pouring salt in the goldfish tank, starting water fights in the cafeteria, playing cat and mouse games in class, etc. I try to reflect on these times, but it's hard. All these folks were so smart and just good people all around. It's so depressing that they keep getting lost or injured. But their memories and spirits will not be forgotten and will always remain.

Foot-in-mouth disease...

There are so many dumb ass people in the world. I wonder why this is so? I'm not just talking about book smarts, but mainly the concept of tact and appropriateness. A friend was telling me about an insensitive comment that someone made to her the other day. The same person has made a similar comment before, which leads me to believe that her little dumb ass zingers are no accident. It's one thing to slip and say something, but a while different ballgame when your intent is to be hurtful and rude. Perhaps to compensate for something that they are missing (in this instance, brains and class), they try to say dumb things to knock you off kilter. This same person has said some dumb-ass things to me as well, but I don't really give a shit. I could be wasting my time and energy on much more thoughtless things, not thoughtless people. Someone should develop a cure for good ol foot-in-mouth disease. Maybe I will. I'll be so damned rich!

Randomness...

Who's gonna save the soul...

This is an idea that has been on my brain for awhile, and with the passing of Rick James, it has come up again. We were watching the Dave Chappelle sketch and it was kinda of hard to laugh now. And I am also pissed at those bitches at WYLD 94.9 for their dumb ass commercial with "Rick James" saying "I'm dead bitch!" Classy. It is so depressing to see so many soul singers and musicians have lives that end so tragically and quite short. Like Barry White, Roger Troutman, Curtis Mayfield, almost all of the Isleys. Not to mention Tupac, Biggie, and Grandmaster Jay. Just to name a few of the oh so many. So sad. We totally have to start respecting and valuing these talents while they are here and are able to appreciate it, as they so well deserve it. It sucks that they have to get their due posthumously.

Shall we play a game?

I miss old school video games. Classic NES was tight! So what it was 16 bit, those games were the shit. I mean Mike Tyson's Punch Out!, Mario Brothers, Kid Nikki, and Zelda!!! Mannnn, would play that shit for hours, or watch my bro. Sega was cool too. Gotta love Shinobi, Street Fighter, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. Here are some random video game thoughts:
Was Piston Honda related to E. Honda?
Why was "the Kid" a cheap ass Rocky Balboa?
Did they have to get permission from Randy Savage to name that guy "Super Macho Man"?
Why was Luigi slower than Mario?
Didn't Mario Bros. have some racist ass connotations?
Does anyone else agree that Kid Nikki had the whackest ending? That shit made me wanna get my money back!
Didn't those floating hands in the Zelda castles scare the hell out of you? Speaking of which, how long did it take for the "castle" music to clear out of your head after turning the thing off?
Good idea Street Fighter, change the Mike Tyson-esque name from M. Bison to Balrog.
Did the designer of the "Chaos Rings" stages take an LSD tab before making these up?
More to come soon... not your average girl I guess.

Admit it...

I was looking at the playlist of whack ass WYLD 94.9, and on the into page they had a picture of something I hadn't seen in a long time... it was... a hair bear!!! OMG, I haven't seen one of these in ages!!! One of my cohortmates showed us a pic of her back in the day, and she had one. She said she had to lean back in her ride so her hair wouldn't hit the roof and get messed up. I think of what Black girls did back around that time. I guess it was all about the bi-level hairstyles with the bangle earrings, or the basket weave. So stylish. I'm sure all pics like these are buried in old shoeboxes or confiscated for blackmail ransom by evil individuals.

Proof is in the puddin'...

This could be true, but who knows? Any thoughts...

Finding the "One"

The Buddy System...

The idea of friendship has always been a funny thing to me. Sometimes I wonder if it actually exist, or if it's just a minor figment of society's imagination. Sometimes I encounter instances of the former, and a bit of the latter. I have always had trouble making and keeping "friends." There have been many an instance in which I thought someone was cool and had my interest at heart, only to flip the script and cause a great deal of pain. I guess it depends on each transition in life, as how you change, relationships do as well. I dunno, I think I am pretty much the same, but who knows. Like that crackhead Freud said, we can never know the true self. We often need others to reflect it for us. However, when we are alone, we tend to question our faults, which is good as well. See the conundrum? Told ya, from the mind of a crackhead. Anyway, I can remember a few instances of shadiness from "friends". This one dude I knew during undergrad. We had similar interests in dance, and in particular for Janet Jackson's style. At that time, I was still cripple and too heavy to do anything, but he was in a group at UCB. Anywho, he would call, e-mail a lot, meet up here and there. I thought, "man, this is hella cool to have a friend like this." Especially at that time, when I really needed someone like that. Anyways, I made the mistake of taking him to my internship at the Janet Jackson fan club. I say mistake because this mofo tried to steal my job!!! I found out from the crew I was working with, "oh, so-and-so stopped by the other day," or "so-and-so called and he is going to LA to a meet and greet." BIOTCH! Never got the chance to confront the mofo about this because he stopped returning my e-mails and calls, and I never saw him really on campus. When I did, he pulled a bitch move and would go the other way. Ugh! How sucky.
Another instance of suckiness may have been at my own hands. There was another guy friend I was cool with. We worked together and would kick it with other staff homies. We would go clubbing, movies, lunch, and whatnot. Anywhos, I made the fatal mistake of telling this guy how I felt about him, which at the time I thought was mutual, but may have been only one-sided in hindsight. Anyway, he wound up leaving the country without even a goodbye or really talking to me very much prior to his departure. Talk about an esteem killer. Who knows if a friendship would have endured despite my attempt to test the waters.
I guess friendship is part selfishness and part sincerity. In regards to selfishness, when you form a good relationship with someone, you want to "own" that laughter that you have, that understanding that exist, etc. Most recently, I have had a few friends either leave the area, or say that they were planning to. Man, I was so miserable on each instances. Bucket-o-tears. Those instances really hurt, and you try to convey that to them, without affecting their decision too much. But, that selfishness wants them to stay especially when your social circle is nearly non-existent. Some people have to move on for the better I guess, but that selfishness that exist says "Hells no homie! You're supposed to be here with me!" Regardless of how desperate that sounds, we know that we feel this to some extreme or another, even if we don't want to admit it. In terms of sincerity, this can be hard to gauge. I guess depending on how your feeling, ya know? Like if you are having a shitty day, a friend will call out of the blue just to say what's up. Or stop by and kick it for a spell. Little things like that, without coming with ulterior motives, just because they care. After awhile, you begin to tell the genuine from the fake.
On another note, I have had the chance to reconnect with some long lost pals and I am really happy about that. It's kind of funny doing that though, because with so much time lapsing, you don't get the snappy vibe you are used to right away. Oh well, at least they remember me.
In undergrad, I was fortunate to have a few people that were my rock that helped me from slipping into complete insanity. We were all first generation college students, but had each other's back. This is something I miss right now, maybe forming a strong relationship with a mentor will help me. Still yet to be seen I guess.
My sister has this idea of "friendship." She says that you have a few true "friends," but many associates. I also was talking to a really helpful mentor at a training, and she said that you just have some friends for certain things. Some can understand things better than others or will offer you a certain type of support. I like both notions, because they have a great deal of value to each when you think about it. But when it all comes down to it, like my grandma and mom always touts, all you need is God and your mom. Amen!